Archives for August 2016

The Not a Pussy Party


After a primary season that included approximately 247 debates, 63 candidates, more than 388,000 tweets (over 382,000 from @realdonaldtrump), and 44 “campaign-killing” gaffes (also all by Trump), and two party conventions, we’ve finally made it to the General Election. Break out the champagne, and the mood stabilizers!

The Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, somehow still standing after 25 years of (unproven) scandals while serving as First Lady, Senator from New York, and Secretary of State, would be the most unpopular major-party nominee of all time, if the Republicans hadn’t nominated Celebrity Apprentice host and sentient Internet comment Donald J. Trump. Poor Hillary — always, it seems, a bridesmaid.

Having two such disliked candidates in the race suggests to some that this election will have a historically low turnout, because so few people are engaged and enthusiastic about the person representing their respective party. But then again, only on the rarest of occasions are we engaged and enthusiastic about our candidates in this country. We don’t really vote for our party here so much as we vote against the other one.

And if there were one person on this Earth who could inspire an ambivalent Republican voter to get over their issues with Donald Trump (including but not limited to: total inexperience and laughable grasp of foreign policy, domestic policy, tax policy, or public policy of any kind, complete absence of any impulse control, near perfect ignorance of world history or events, catastrophic lack of empathy, transparently thin skin, long history of shady business practices, short fingers, weird hair, baffling tan, and Mob connections) just to vote against the other party, that person is Hillary Clinton.

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